Chapter 32: Gone Tunes

I don't even remember waking up. All I knew was that I was suddenly looking in front of me at a wall. A wall six feet away from the foot of the bed I was in. It was a hospital bed. As my head came out of a fog, the sounds of a hospital came alive. The beeps, the ticks, the thumps.

All I could remember from earlier was an bright lights & loud sirens at my house. I remembered people all around me, looking down on me, like I was pathetic. I recalled my dad, with Jade in the hospital with me, telling me things would be ok.

I was alone in the room. I shifted a bit to make myself more comfortable. A sudden pain shot through my body from my side. I yelped in pain as I stopped moving & waited for the pain to die away. When it did, I slowly moved my arm underneath my hospital gown, where there were several stitches patching up my hip.

My head was spinning. I didn't like being alone. In fact, it was scaring me. I didn't even see anybody in the hallway outside my door.

"Hello?" I tried to say, but it only came out as a hoarse, strained call. Quick images were flashing through my head & I was getting more anxious by the second.

"Hello?" I tried calling again.

Just then, my dad came into the room before I became hysterical.

"Noah!" he exclaimed, running over to my bedside & wrapping me in his strong arms. I buried my face into his sleeve.

"Oh god, Noah..." he said with a tear falling down his cheek.

"I'm sorry dad..." I said, starting to become upset again. I didn't think I could possibly have any tears in me left.

"You don't have to apologize to me Noah, you did nothing wrong."

I rested my head back against the pillow.

"I told you I didn't like them," I said.

"I had no idea THIS would happen," he said through the tears that were coming.

Just then, Jade walked in.

"I swear to god I'm gonna kill that girl," he said angrily.

"I'll call the police & then we'll fix this, I promise you that Noah," my dad said, placing his hand on my neck. I flinched but I allowed it.

"Mr. Lainer?"

The three of us looked at the doorway where a nurse was standing there with a clipboard.

"We're gonna need you to fill out some paper work regarding your son & some tests we'd like to take. If you'd like, we have a phone so you can make some calls."

Dad gave me a gentle kiss on the head, tears slowly falling. He got up & followed the nurse.

Jade walked over next to my bed & sat down in the chair. Neither of us said anything for a while. He looked down into his lap while I continued to stare off at the wall. The sounds of busy doctors, bustling nurses, coughing patients, yelling surgeons, phones ringing, stretchers being wheeled & mechanical beeps flooded my ears. The hospital was alive & it seemed as though all of its noise was coming at me, trying to get deeper into my head while I just wanted to crawl back into the corner with peace & whatever sanity I had left.

The room was quiet though. I looked over at Jade. I didn't notice it at first, but when I looked closer at his down turned eyes, I was shocked. He was crying.

"J?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he sniffled, keeping his head down.

I stared at him as he slowly broke down.

"What's wrong?"

He dragged his fingers through his hair & looked up but didn't look me in the eye at first.

"She hurt you Noah, THAT'S what's wrong. That bitch did this to you."

I kept watching him.

"I mean...what if I was there, or what if we were still together or SOMETHING. Maybe I could have done something. I've always tried to be the kind of best friend who doesn't let his friend get hurt but..." he trailed off.

"Jade, this isn't your fault at all" I said, shocked that the thought had crossed his mind.

"You were just feet away from me, next door, being abused like this & I...I didn't..."

"It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself."

"Well it feels like it," he said angrily.

It wasn't his fault one bit. It was shocking to me that he would even think that. But at the same time, I knew what was going through his head.

"You always told me that it was never my fault that my mother died," I said after a moment.

"It wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because there was nothing you could do about it. It was just a horrible case of bad luck & yes, I know what you're saying."

"I hope so."

He sighed.

"Do you ever still feel guilty?" he asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "I know it wasn't...but that doesn't take back the guilt."

He wiped a few tears away.

"If anything...I'm the one who should have been more careful," I said.

He gave a stressed laugh.

"So what, you're gonna blame yourself, I'm gonna blame myself & what, your dad is gonna blame HIMSELF."

I smiled.

"Probably."

"Noah, we all know whose fault this really is."

I nodded.

"She's not gonna get away with this ya know. I bet your dad is on the phone with a lawyer or the cops right now."

"I hope so."

"Noah honey?"

I looked over at the doorway where a nurse was standing there.

"Is it ok if we just run a couple small tests? Just to see how you're holding up," she said with a sad smile.

"Yeah," I replied.

Jade stood up & started to leave as the nurse came over.

"Jade," I said just before he walked out. He looked back at me.

"Thanks for everything," I smiled.

He smiled back at me & walked out.

**********

I was released from the hospital two days later. The doctors wanted to check up on my waist as well as any other physical or psychological injuries. I'd bet my soul there were one or two damn psychological injuries.

Most of the following week was full of check up at the hospital, statements to the police & sessions with the attorney, sleeping & just staying home. A week and a half after the incident, I was back at school. The hospital evaluation said I was healthy enough to resume normal school life, but to take it very easy.

When I got off the bus, I noticed a few kids now & then would look over at me. I tried to ignore their stares, but it didn't help much. Jade was walking with me the entire time.

Out of nowhere, Collin & Rose walked up to me. Collin gave me a smile. Rose was holding back tears as she wrapped her arms around my neck & held me. I slowly wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry Noah," she said.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I saw Randy & Jeff standing there. Alex & Dane walked up, with Gina not far behind. Gina joined in the hug as Collin had his around me.

"Good to have ya back buddy," Collin smiled.

I nodded as Gina & Rose let go.

"How ya holdin' up?" Alex asked.

"Good I guess, for now. My dad is having charges pressed & I'm alive, so that's good," I managed a weak laugh.

"I wanna kill her," Gina said.

"Join the club," I chuckled.

"YOU'RE in the 'kill Shannon' club?" Jade asked with an odd, crooked smile.

"Uh, yeah, duh. Dude, do you NOT know what she did to me? To hell with her."

Jade was giving me an unreadable face. He just looked at me, blinking, but not really reacting or saying anything.

**********

The next few days went by fairly smoothly. People seemed to either give me space or were extra nice to me, which started to become obvious & I didn't like that. The guidance office set me up sessions for me & the school psychologist. They went well for the most part, & I was glad that the school had taken it upon itself to get involved in my business without my consent nor my knowledge & mandating me to go to the sessions.

The hardest part of it all, crawling into bed each night. I had a new mattress & I had moved my bed to a different part of my room. But not even though changes could take away the nightmares each night I had.

I didn't feel normal. I didn't feel like I used to. The old me I know would have been more upset, crying more & just letting it out. But over the last week I had been more...ok. And I knew it wasn't good.

I just didn't care.