Chapter 7: F

I had sort of hoped that summer vacation & some time apart from Taylor would have helped clear my mind, let me think straight &, most of all, get these silly 'feelings' for Taylor out of my head. And like my summer reading assignment, it never happened.

For most of the summer, I spent my time working at a summer camp while Taylor traveled around the country with his family. In fact, today, the first day of school, was the first time I had seen him since the previous school year had ended.

When we met up in the morning, we discovered we had no classes this semester. Damn.

After school, in which nothing eventful had happened, I walked downtown to the arcade. Kasie, one of my girl friends who was such a tomboy, hung out there a good amount of the time with her boyfriend Gavin. I met up with them when I arrived.

"Hey," she said when I walked up to them playing basketball. I hugged her & said hi to Gavin who nodded back a 'hello.'

"Are we going to the mall today? I want a new fall jacket," I said. I had been dying to get a new coat for months.

"I can't, sorry. My mom is setting me up with my SAT tutor tonight, which I don't want because I usually see her on Sundays."

"That sucks. What about you Gavin? You wanna come?" I asked.

He laughed.

"Nick, shopping's not really my thing. Sorry man. Maybe something a little more XY next time," he tossed the ball into the net. He got it.

"Aww. Now I don't have anyone to go with."

Kasie turned to me.

"Ask Taylor."

I shrugged.

"I'll think about it."

"Ok."

*****

Well I thought about it & I decided I would take Taylor to the mall. Because the store I was going to was close to the gay community, there were always as many gay guys in there as there were women. I figured he could use some more getting-used-to-being-near-gay-people training, so to speak.

He was reuctant to go shopping at first, but after 10 minutes of begging over the phone, he caved in. Sucker.

We eventually met up at the mall & then headed to the clothing department. I got right to looking around, half wasting time, half actually looking for the fabulous new coat I wanted.

"I'm not holding whatever you pick out," he said.

I pouted to myself. Damn.

"How often do you shop for clothes?" I asked.

"I don't know. Whenever I need new clothes I suppose. Why?"

"How often is that?" I said.

"Maybe once or twice a year, I said I don't know. Why?"

"What brands do you usually wear?"

"I don't pay attention to what I wear. Why?!"

"If you don't pay attention, then how do you know what you like?"

"I just pick out what looks good. WHY?!" he yelled. A few people looked over.

"You don't have to yell Taylor, we're inside."

He grunted.

"Why are you asking all this anyway, I thought we were here to look for your jacket, not shop for me."

"We can do both," I smiled.

"I have enough nice clothes already. I don't need any more."

Just then, a man, clearly one of 'us' walked over. He had a name tag & a vest, so I assumed he worked here.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked us.

"Actually, I think we're good. Thanks," said Taylor.

As the man started to walk away, I called him back.

"Um, actually sir, my friend here was looking for some V-neck t-shirts & jeans that would match it. Probably lighter colored ones that are worn on the front, oh, but not with pre-ripped holes," I said.

Taylor glared at me.

The man showed us to the shirts I requested & then to the jeans.

"What do you think about that white t-shirt with the longer pair of jeans?" I asked the employee when Taylor held up his clothes.

"Oh, I like it. But I'm not sure about the color of the jeans. I think it'd look better if they were just a bit darker."

"Ok, thank you," Taylor piped. The man smiled & left us.

When he was gone, Taylor looked at me.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are we shopping? I don't want new clothes."

"Ok, but did you like what the guy said?"

"You mean the worker who's job it is is to help customers, not give opinions?"

"Taylor..."

He sighed.

"Maybe, it was nice of him. But I'm asking you to stop nicely."

I was about to speak when a random customer walked by. Another gay man, maybe in his twenties.

"Lookin' good kid," he said. I smiled to myself. Creepy but flattering.

Taylor smiled at the guy then looked back at me.

"Everyone who shops here is really friendly Taylor. You should be happy that people are complimenting you. And you should be grateful to have me as someone who will now help you pick out your clothes."

Taylor laughed.

"Ok Nick, whatever."

"Admit it, you like being complimented."

"They're the same kinds of clothes I already wear."

"Yeah but how often do you shop HERE?" I said.

He looked around.

"First time."

"Yeah & look, you already got hit on by people. GAY people! Haha," I said.

"First off, I hardly consider that being hit on. But I guess you're right. People here seem pretty nice so far."

"You gotta get friendly with us gays. We deserve to be angry & hateful at times, but mostly, we're not. We're nice ya know," I said, pretending that I was some sort of leader of the gays. Haha.

"I never said you weren't."

"Then hang out around here more. Who you make friends with doesn't make you the same as them."

He was quiet for a moment. From then on, we kept looking for clothes, Taylor only wanting one pair of jeans. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get him to want more.

Oh well. In the end. We left the store happy. Taylor had taken well to two more compliments after he put on his new jeans. We were happy.

**********

A couple days later, it had hit everyone that school was really here. It didn't take long for the teachers to get over their welcome-back-from-summer moods. I had already had a test in psych & as it turned out, I hadn't done so hot. I figured I would need help this year, especially with college coming soon. I needed a tutor. Preferably somebody who knew exactly what to study.

I called up Taylor, asking him to tutor me. He was skeptical at first & thought this was just another one of my games. To be honest, I really did need a tutor. But now that he mentioned it, I didn't see anything wrong with having some fun along the way.

When he told me he didn't think it'd be the best idea, I offered to pay him $20 per session, which would only be maybe an hour. Taylor agreed to it, but not before warning me to keep my head on the material. I responded with a crude joke to which he replied by hanging up.

When Taylor showed up at my house a couple days later, I went to the door to let him in. As he said hi & came in, my mom walked by, heading to her room. She gave Taylor a barely noticable look, which, if you knew my mom, was full of suspicsion.

Mom was like that. Since I was outed, she was always anxious about me having other guys over, like I'd fuck them in the house while she was there or something.

Anyway, when we made it to my room, I closed the door. I had to uh, concentrate.

I decided to start things off by walking over to Taylor while he was getting his stuff out of his backpack. I leaned into him & planted a long wet kiss on his lips. He froze for a few seconds & then realized what was going on.

"Nick, stop. What are you doing? You said none of that, remember?"

"It was just a friendly hello," I giggled. Damn I was queer.

"Yeah well, just...no more."

I pouted & sat down next to him on my bed. He slowly looked up at me.

"Nick...?"

I grinned. "Yes?"

Taylor pointed to my desk chair. I sighed & moved to sit in it. I thought tutoring was suppossed to be fun.

*****

After an hour of studying, in which I was able to sneak in a quick kiss at one point, Taylor got up to leave. I paid him his new fee & started to lead him to the door. Mom was sitting in the living room watching Design to Sell. As she saw Taylor about to leave, she stood.

"Well thank you for helping Nick with his schoolwork. The year just began & I don't want him falling behind, you know?"

"Right," Taylor replied.

"Thanks again. Maybe we'll see you again."

Taylor & I looked at each other.

"Mom, Taylor's coming three times a week for now on."

She blinked.

"Oh."

Awkward.

"Um, ok. As long as you're doing work I suppose. We don't need you two goin' at it in this house," she laughed nervously & yet, coldly.

"MOM!" I exclaimed.

"What? I know what can go on. I'm just saying, as long as you're working," she said.

I went pale & turned to Taylor.

"I'm so sorry about that," I apologized.

"It's ok. I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled & then left.

I turned back to the woman who I so didn't want to call mom at the moment. She walked towards her room again as she ran her hand through her hair & sighed.

I went to my room & called my girl friends to chat. While I did, I pondered why my mom had to be like that every time a guy was over. UGH! She had never come to terms with my sexuality & that had been one of the very few things that hurt me; the fact that my own mom didn't back me up.

There was a lot of tension between mom & I.

Mom.