Free Discussion

marcuss wrote:

"and if so, E can have my sincere an equally public apology." then what is this?
and i said e is banned from my fb as i later explained that he cant post gay-related comments. and im pretty sure im not "covering" anything? i was stating that there is a difference between making a playful comment and a serious comment in the public forums. and never not once did i criticize you for calling e out, i was questioning the appropriateness of doing it in front of everyone. and i do not believe im on a moral highground in any shape or form, i simply think that i should put my opinions and thoughts out there. and you say i should take my own "sage" advice? it seems to me that your the one thinking your on a moral high ground.

The qualifying term is "IF..."

As for the rest of it, we're going round in circles. It's called 'a not-so-merry-go-round'. "Questioning the appropriateness" vs "criticism" call it whatever you like the point is according to you it is alright for you to say something potentially embarrassing to E in this forum because you were "just kidding" but I'm being "inappropriate" when I ask him a pointed question. By that logic, no one can be hurt or offended by people "just kidding around" and anything approaching honest "tough love" is too "harsh" and "inappropriate" for this forum.

you two.. cut it out...

vagabond wrote:

you two.. cut it out...

LOL!

Mr. Mike wrote:

vagabond wrote:

you two.. cut it out...

LOL!

what?

vagabond wrote:

Mr. Mike wrote:

vagabond wrote:

you two.. cut it out...

LOL!

what?

But arguing is SO much fun!

You're day's just starting but I'm on my way to dreamland!

c u 2 morrow (which iz already 2day 4 u)

yeah, almost 10 AM in here

marcuss wrote:

if i thought that kell was not a good leader to the forum i wouldnt say it on the boards because its personal and no one else belongs in the discussion.

obviously, i cant control wat goes on between u guys on facebook & outside of kbb, but my advice is to not talk about anybodys 'gayness' on facebook in posts, comments, responses, etc even if that person is completey comfortable with it.

dare de-vil wrote:

obviously, i cant control wat goes on between u guys on facebook & outside of kbb

you can't? Really? Don't belive you

Guys, chill. Marcus, you have a right to be annoyed t E for being careless about where he shares your personal information that others might not be privy to, and Mike can question E's behaviour if he wants. And all this talk of moral high grounds is making me nauseous.

I feel so very tall on this horse.

every one is up bright and early i see!

people fighting over me (in a way), im flattered. lol.

i knew that marcus was not serious, thats why i said "should i care?" but i did want to know what i did wrong, so that i can discotinue doing that. marcus, im sorry about what i have posted on your FB, i'll make sure to go through all of them and delete them. once again sorry.

mike, i forgot what your question is, and i cba to gog all the way back and find out. BUT, i remember thinking, that's only a matter of opinion and we have to agree on a mutual opinion.

g2g now.

fighting OVER u? no. ABOUT you, yes.


and yes martin, i know it may seem like i have divine powers over those of my world, but sadly my world extends to no more than the URL of this site. after that....yeah i cant do shit

ems wrote:

people fighting over me (in a way), im flattered. lol.

Yeah, I didn't miss the irony of that.

ems wrote:

mike, i forgot what your question is . . .

I asked if you know what personal boundaries are. Are you familiar with that phrase as a psychological concept?

I think marcuss was upset w/ me because I asked it in a bit of a mean spirited way (implying that you don't know) and did so openly for all to see. In essence, calling you out.

wow this seems complicated

Who wants popcorn?!

ooh! ooh! i do! i do!

Andy1218 wrote:

ooh! ooh! i do! i do!

+1

Andy1218 wrote:

wow this seems complicated

Gays = drama. Sometimes, the stereotypes are true lol

Also, OMFG GIMME POPCORN NAO PLZ!

Sabazius wrote:

Andy1218 wrote:

wow this seems complicated

Gays = drama. Sometimes, the stereotypes are true lol

Also, OMFG GIMME POPCORN NAO PLZ!

Drama? What drama?

u guys can enjoy all the popcorn u want. I'm gona have another drink.

Still waiting for E's response.

my response

ems wrote:

i remember thinking, that's only a matter of opinion and we have to agree on a mutual opinion.

g2g now.

ems wrote:

my response

ems wrote:

i remember thinking, that's only a matter of opinion and we have to agree on a mutual opinion.

g2g now.

That's your answer? That makes no sense. I'm asking you if you know what personal boundaries are -- i.e., if you are familiar WITH THE CONCEPT.

That isn't a matter of opinion. Either you are or you are not familiar with the concept. Either you do or you do not know what "personal boundaries" are and what the phrase means.

Shessh.

like what you people would consider a boundary? well no, not unless you guys tell me.

ems wrote:

like what you people would consider a boundary? well no, not unless you guys tell me.

Ok, well, that's what I thought.

The term "personal boundaries" began to be used in the US about 30 or 40 years ago, mostly in humanistic psychology circles. Such as in Gestalt therapy and other forms of individual and group therapy situations. Read this paper on personal boundaries and it will explain a lot. In brief: "Mental health experts will tell you that good [personal] boundaries are crucial to psychological health. ... You should care, for example, if your privacy has ever been disrespected, if you have been controlled by others, if your individuality has been squashed, if you have been shamed or guilt tripped for expressing your own feelings or opinions, if you have been criticized for questioning authority, if you have had to allow or endure unwanted touch or abuse. In short, everyone has experienced boundary violations and this is why this topic is important for all of us. ..." Read more in the article if you're interested.

The point is, whether you intended to or not, you disrespected marcuss' bundaries on FB. Morever, marcuss got offended by what I said to you because he felt my question, not asked in private but in this forum, was not respecting your boundaries. I don't disagree with that. In fact, that was part of my point. I figured you could handle it -- just as marcuss figured you could handle his saying he'd banned you in this forum.

The thing is, though, we all need to learn what our real boundaries are. We need to learn what feels right and what feels wrong to us. And we need to be able to communicate this to others -- so we can get them to respect our personal boundaries. Marcuss was defending your personal space against what he perceived as an "attack" by me and also, I think, in a way trying to defend the forum. My argument wasn't that he shouldn't do this -- he should -- we all should -- its a good thing. What I was trying to say to him is that sometimes "just kidding around" can be as hurtful to someone as a direct attack so the fact that someone was "just kidding" is no excuse.

Personal boundaries is a big topic. It is a VERY important topic when it comes to relationships. To a large extent, relationships are all about "negotiating" personal boundary issues. Those of us who hang out here at KB *are in a relationship* w/ one another. It is sort of like a neighborhood or community -- as it says under the big flaming K: "Our little corner of the internet." And here we have to learn what is acceptable and what isn't in terms of one another's boundaries. Recently, for example, Andy asked that people stop asking him to post a picture. He was setting a boundary -- and if we're good neighbors and friends in this community we will respect his wishes!

Anyway, it is a concept worth knowing about and thinking about.

Nice long post Mr. Mike. Very true. Boundaries in this black and green dimension can be a blur sometimes. Does it end at the green bar or is it the aqua line? Who knows! Id say the boundaries are the black. Wide and everywhere. So its always important to say where your line is or your foot is as I myself stumble on this forum like a drunk fellow (most of the time ).