Chapter 31: Turned Leaves

I hung up the phone & dropped it on the floor. I had told J that I needed to talk to him. Did he know it was a dire emergency? I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell anything anymore. I couldn't feel.

I painfully stood up from the couch & dressed myself in a pajama shirt and fleece pants. I felt raw even though I had just showered. I sat back on my couch & stared at the window. Not out it. At it. I didn't want to see the sun, & the flowers, & the birds, & the clear sky. I just wanted to look at what was keeping everything in here...from getting out there.

I waited for a few minutes & just closed my eyes, tears squeezing themselves out of my eyes & gliding down my cheeks. I sobbed quietly as I waited for J to come over.

I stared at the giant red stain on my bed. I lifted my shirt & gazed at the hole in my side. The instant my eyes saw the stab wound, I became violently sick again. I suddenly leaned over & vomited on my floor. I started gagging & leaned my head back. I gritted my teeth & cried hard, but quietly. I brought my knees up close to my body & hugged myself.

I heard a voice, barely audible. Someone was in the house.

I listened carefully, ceasing my crying.

"Noah?" I heard it again. I couldn't tell if it was male or female. I started to call "up here" with my mouth, but all that came out was strained noises that someone even on the other side of the room couldn't hear. I started panicking over if they would even look for me up here.

"Noah?" I heard my door opening & footsteps up the stairs. It was J.

"Hey man, what did you wanna-" he stopped short when he saw me sitting helplessly on my couch crying.

J began making his way over to me quickly.

"Noah, what's-" he started to say again when he suddenly glanced at my bed. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull. He looked around the room. He saw my ripped & cut clothes on the floor, the blood stain on the sheet & smelled the nauseating smell of heat. J turned back to me.

"Noah, what happened?"

I began to tear up again. J took another look at the bed, his eyes widening again. He rushed over to me, moved the wool blanket off me & started looking over my body. He didn't see anything on one side & then leaned over me, only to see blood staining through my shirt.

I hated his touch & I shoved him away.

"Noah, you're hurt, what happened?" he exclaimed as he started turning me again so he could see my side. Again, I pushed him away.

"Oh my god, Noah..." J said again, holding my arms against the couch & looking at my waist.

"NO!" I screamed. I broke down crying. J, startled, let go of me & watched as I bawled my eyes out.

I was screaming on the inside too. I felt so physically alone & I wanted his touch, I was dying for his touch. But every time he DID touch me, it stung. His touch itself wasn't hurting me: it wasn't digging into my waist. It was more...mental pain.

"Noah?" he said softly.

"Just...just don't touch me J...please," I sniffled.

"Noah, please. Just let me look. You're hurt," he pleaded. I shook my head as I sobbed uncontrollably.

We both sat there for a minute while I continued to cry. For a split second, I became unbelievably tired & dizzy. But I ignored it & just sobbed.

"What happened?" he asked calmly.

I told him how Shannon had come over & forced me onto the bed & then tied me up, & how she stabbed me with the scissors. And how she tasered me, & forced herself on me. I went over every disgusting detail, including how I had cum nine times. I swallowed my stomach down again.

When I was done explaining everything to him, he stood up & walked to my bed, looking at the sheet. Then he went over into my bathroom & looked around. Even though the water had brought most of it down the drain, there was still some blood, mixed with vomit in the shower & around the toilet.

When J came back to sit with me, he accidentally stepped in my small mess of vomit next in front of the couch. I sobbed again, disgusted & saddened by the fact that J was seeing all of this & how it must have disgusted him. My eyes were full of tears & my vision was very blurry.

"I'm sorry," I groaned.

"Don't worry about, I'll clean it up later," he smiled sadly. He sat down next to me.

"Noah?" he said softly.

"Yeah?" I sniveled.

He turned his body to face me.

"I need you to do something for me."

"What?" I squeaked.

"I need you to be totally relaxed & just calm down. I'm gonna slowly, very slowly, lift your shirt up & look at your waist. Try your best to stay calm, ok?"

I closed my eyes tightly & then opened them again, nodding my head slowly.

I flinched as I felt J touch my shirt. Very slowly, like he said, he lifted it up, cool air rushing to my bloody hip. I winced.

"You're all right, you're all right..." he said, comforting me.

He lifted my shirt high enough & began lightly wiping blood away with his fingers in order to see the puncture wound. I shivered as he touched me. My body was numb everywhere except there. It was warm, wet & burning. I started feeling light headed. I was still bleeding profusely.

When he had wiped away enough blood, J inspected the area where Shannon had plunged the scissors into my skin. I shut my eyes, trying to block out the image of her holding the scissors like a dagger & digging the blades cruelly into my body. I started to tear up again as I sniffled. Short little gasps came out of my mouth with each breath.

"Stop," I said.

J stood up & walked over to the bathroom. He opened the cabinets & scourged through stuff. He reached far back behind everything & started taking something out. I saw a package of gauze in his hands. He closed the cabinets & walked back to me.

"Noah?"

I looked up at him.

"I'm gonna need you to stand up. You think you can do that?"

I brought my arms close to my sides.

"Noah, please."

"I just wanna sit here J..." I said hoarsely.

"C'mon," he said, extending his hand to help me. I ignored it & groaned. Very slowly, I stood up. Standing up, I felt more exposed. I choked back tears, despising this feeling of being out in the open almost. I stumbled dumbly. I couldn't really think straight, but I assumed I was so dizzy from the blood loss.

"Good. Now just relax, but I need you to take your shirt off so I can wrap this gauze around your waist."

I shook my head.

"Noah, please?" he asked, his eyes begging me to cooperate.

I shook my head again, the tears starting to come back.

I had felt so alienated putting my clothes on in the first place before he arrived. But over time I had grown too used to the clothes I had on & I felt as though without them, I'd be in a similar state to when Shannon was doing all those things to me. I didn't want to go through that again...

"It's ok Noah. It's just me, ok? There's nobody else here. It's just us," he said soothingly, somehow knowing what I was thinking.

I inhaled shakily & slowly raised my shirt over my head. I looked at J, who was staring at the gouge in my side. The gash was still bleeding, though not as much as before.

"My god..." he whispered.

I sniffled.

"Slowly, lift your arms up so I can get this around you."

"J...please..." I sobbed.

"Noah, it's all right. I know you're gonna feel very... exposed, but I need to get this around your waist."

With a strained whimper, I painfully lifted my arms from my side. I just couldn't stop crying. The feeling of being so exposed & vulnerable with my shirt off & my arms up...I had to stop myself from throwing up again.

J started leaning forward to wrap the gauze around me. I breathed slowly, trying to be calm, but it didn't work.

I couldn't do it.

"Wait, stop," I exclaimed.

To my surprise, he didn't stop. With gauze in one hand & some masking tape in the other, he leaned forward quickly & wrapped his arms around my back fast. The soft material sat on my open gash & immediately began soaking up blood. Everything frightened me & the sudden movements around me were scaring me. I panicked.

"Stop, stop!"

His arm went around one side while the other held the gauze to my throbbing gash.

"JADEN STOP!" I screamed as I tried shoving him away.

I hit his body with clenched fists while he clipped the end of the gauze to the other side around my waist. I started crying hysterically & my hitting quickly stopped.

"Done! I'm done, there's nothing-" he said as he tried pulling away. But something was stopping him.

Me.

I had my arms wrapped tightly around his neck & I was crying into his collarbone, my tears staining his shirt. I clenched my teeth, my mind flooded with horrible images of what had happened. I cried & cried.

J softly wrapped his arms around me.

"Oh Noahy..." he sighed.

I rested my forehead on his collarbone & emptied my eyes of tears. I held onto J for dear life as I wept nonstop. Each time I inhaled I thought I could stop shedding tears, but each time I just broke down even harder.

I felt J begin rubbing my back soothingly. I was so messed up. I didn't want to get dressed, but I dressed & then didn't want to undress. I wanted to be held, but I rejected his touch & now I was desperate for his touch. Nothing made sense to me anymore.

He hugged me tighter while I stood in his arms. I was inhaling shaky breaths when I realized I was shaking violently.

"Shhh..." he whispered in my ear as I cried.

I felt him moving all of a sudden. I tightened my grip around his neck, scared he would leave me alone.

"I'm just getting your phone Noah, I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't move at first, but then I relaxed my grip & let him get my phone. When he picked it up, he opened it & started dialing.

"What are you doing?" I said, shivering.

"I'm calling your dad & then I'm calling the police."

My stomach sank.

"No, wait, J, stop..." I said. He paused & glanced up at me.

"What?"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't call him, don't call the cops, please."

"What?! Noah, you know I have to."

"No, you don't..."

"Noah, you just got raped! I'm sure as hell not gonna stand here & do nothing!"

"Can't you just hold me?" I sniffled.

"Noah," he said, his eyes asking me to understand, "we need to tell somebody."

Tears started to well up in my eyes again, only this time, they were tears of anger. I painfully made my way towards him to take the phone away from him.

"Noah, cut it out."

"No! Give me my phone!" I yelled, my voice nothing more than a sore, hoarse whisper. J moved farther away from me.

"Look, I HAVE to-"

"Give it!" I said, tears blurring my sight.

I slipped & fell onto the couch on my butt & just started sobbing, again. I leaned my head back & just cried.

J sat down next to me & I leaned my head on his shoulder, lightly shivering. Soon enough, I was nearly done crying, for good.

"I'm gonna make things better, ok?" he said.

I shook my head. This would never leave me.

"Look at me," he said. I turned my red eyes to look at his green ones.

"I'm gonna help you through this," he said, squeezing my hand, "I promise."

We both stood up & I wrapped my arms around his neck again as I buried my face in his chest & sobbed dryly. He wrapped his strong arms around me & held me closely. I sighed in comfort.

"I love you so much Jade," I sighed breathlessly into his chest as he rubbed my back.

"You know I love you too Noah," he said quietly.

I heard a faint dial tone & glanced up. With the hand he wasn't rubbing my back with, J had dialed my dad & had the phone up to his ear. I rested my head back on his chest & closed my eyes. I heard my dad pick up.

"Hello?"

I knew my life would just never be the same.