Story Discussion

cool chapter. i like how you brought out why Rory is with Trent why he might be interested in Caleb too. that was pretty cool.

i never mentioned trent, wada u talkin about?

dare de-vil wrote:

As I was practically running home, I smiled. Caleb wasn't SO bad. Yeah he was a motherfucking pain in the ass, but hey. He listened, he was understanding, he was nice. I shrugged. Maybe I'd want to get to know him better.

i assumed that that was coz he was getting something that Trent wasnt giving him and appreciated it when it came in some form, even Caleb.

well we dont rly know at this point that trent CANT listen & understand, we just know that caleb CAN. but i c wat yer saying

The way you said it in the chapter, it made it seem like you were making a direct comparison between Trent and Caleb, that Caleb could listen and that Trent didn't really.

ok lol

That murdered the conversation.

2 4 6 8, 3 more chaps til chapter 8! lol i dunno. talk.

Probably the worst rhymes in the history of rhymes.
anyway, great chapter. The sex was pretty good. I never expected trent to be a bottom and stay one too. And it was surprising to find out that he had the capacity to be jealous. I thought they were going to be fuck buddies or something but they are quit serious arent they?
I did feel like i was reading harry potter when rory was talking about his uncle taking him in. The funny bits were, well funny lol. The missionary position thingy, AWESOME!! Loved it.

yeah lol.

i also made a particular little reference 2 another story i love...

I saw that reference, well done there.
So, it looks very much like you just wanted to toss in a sex scene, and needed a chapter to house it. It was very hot though.

haha yeah lol. ne1 else?

I liked the TFABH ref, as well as the way that Rory looks at his past and not wanting to another kid that everyone pities. I think he has the capacity to develop and be strong in a less unbalanced way, and viewing bad things that have happened in your life as a part of you as opposed to thinking of them as things that happened to you is one of the first steps IMHO. SO yeah, I thought it was really powerful. I also like how unreliable Rory is as a narrator, going from telling us that 'romance is for straights' to giving his fuck-buddy a kiss when he gets jealous. It's a powerful literary tool that you wield well (to mix a metaphor). So keep it up! I do have to agree with Trev here that the sex did seem like it was sex for the sake of it, but I guess when you're in Rory and Trent's position (not that way lol) then sex for the sake of sex is no bad thing, so it's kinda true to life. Looking forward to the next chapter, might be nice to see them back in school given Rory's worries of being caught bunking off?

I don't give u and Trev enough credit lol. How did u guys know it was just mean to be a sex chapter?

What's IMHO? I thought thay trent and rory were serious but oh well.

@ephraim IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
@kell I dunno, it felt almost like it started as a sex chapter, then became a serious chapter - I was imagining you writing it, starting out with the sexy bit and then getting involved in the story rather than the sex!

lol. alexissocoollike

like magic, another chapter is up

its pretty cool to see someone who genuinely cares about Rory. i never thought that trent "cared" for him. they were always something like fuck buddies for me and this colonel dude seems pretty cool.

Boy, you REALLY want to make people hate Ray don't you? I was a little concerned about where you were going with the who Ray thing, but now that you've added the good Colonel to the mix, there seems to be enough of a balance to make the storyline make sense in that regard

hmm. ne1 else?

i feel there should be some sexual tension between Rory and the colonel

I dunno, I saw the colonel as more of the father figure Rory wishes he could have had as opposed to Ray, not as someone who he had sexual feelings for. I certainly don't see the colonel having any feelings in the opposite direction, he's not an asshole but there's no particular indication he has any sexual interest in Rory, I think it's just honest affection for the boy and some feelings of protectiveness mixed in with responsibility and maybe just a little bit of love.

I do see your point of view totally but i feel it would add on to the drama and make the story easier to wright for Kell ,i mean think of it Rory and the colonel have some thing going and than ray finds out than tells the military and gets the colonel kicked out than that causes even more tension on ray and Rory and makes ray the main antagonist of the story